I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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