You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
