I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
