Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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