I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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