There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
