Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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