AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
