I should be sponsored by Trojan
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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