she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
