There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My vagina is officially offended.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
