I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize