Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
