He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I had to cum in my sink.
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