I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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