if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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