Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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