Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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