Acid is not a monday night drug
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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