Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
