I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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