i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
