The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
jump out the window naked night went bad
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
