Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
