Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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