yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
