i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
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His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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