Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
