i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
