READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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