I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
