Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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