I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
