Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
