tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
