a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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