i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
