I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
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Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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