i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
barbara walters just said penis...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
