not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ladies don't puke and tell
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
