I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
