I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just google imaged poop.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
