WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
