i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
