Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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