I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
