The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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