wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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