Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
