it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
this hospital has no fireball
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
