I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
3pm strippers are depressing
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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