love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
