is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
