the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have feelings that need drinking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
