Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
