i think i have herpe
just one?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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