I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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