I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
