Non-Jews are for practice
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
