all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
