a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
