What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
