I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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