Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
