Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
