So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
