I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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