So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
